|
what they say |
what callers think they mean |
Recommendation to call
centers |
|
You can access our website
to answer most questions.
Our website can be found at
www.bigcompany.com. That’s
double-you, double-you,
double-you. Dot bee, eye,
gee, see, oh, em, pee, a,
en, why, dot see, oh, em |
We are too cheap to hire
enough customer service
representatives, so we'd
rather you do the work
instead of having us help
you with the problem our
product or service has
caused for you. We really
think you are to stupid too
figure out what our web site
address is without our
assistance. We want you to
go to our web site rather
than call us, even though
your web site will not be
able to assist me with my
problem. |
Get rid of this. Callers
are aware that a support web
site exists and do not have
to be told this or how to go
there. They have probably
wasted time trying to use it
and are calling because it
did not work for them. |
|
Please listen carefully, as
our menu options have
changed. |
Either (a) we change our
menus recklessly with no
regard for whether you are
used to them or (b) we
rarely change our menus but
we forgot to remove that
message, and again we'd
rather make you do the work
to listen to all messages
and options every time you
call, instead of us having a
qualified customer support
representative who can
quickly handle any question
for you. (It is funny that
companies think customers
can use the website to
answer most questions, yet
their own customer support
agents must always transfer
you once or more to the
"right department" who is
the only department who
knows how to answer your
particular question.) |
Get rid of this. If you
truly did change the menu,
callers will figure it out
pretty quickly. |
|
Your call is important to
us. |
You are not important enough
for us to have a human
answer your call, but we
think you are stupid enough
to feel good when we say we
are important. |
Get rid of this. It is
patronizing and insults the
caller. |
|
Due to unusually high call
volumes, wait times may be
longer than normal. |
We are too cheap and
shortsighted to hire enough
customer service agents. |
Get rid of these. If you
have long wait times, tell
us honestly how long they
are so we can decide whether
we should wait in line or
not. Better yet, offer to
call us back when the humans
are available to assist us. |
|
Your call will be handled by
the next available
representative |
Absolutely not true. The
next available
representative will handle
the guy that has been
waiting longest. Think about
it. |
|
Your call may be recorded
for training purposes. |
We can use this recording
against you for any future
purpose we want. |
Get rid of this. The
regulations were not
intended to apply to quality
assurance recorded calls. |
|
Your call may be recorded
for training purposes. |
We can use this recording
against you for any future
purpose we want. |
Get rid of this. The
regulations were not
intended to apply to quality
assurance recorded calls. |